Today's our last day with Gus. We'll be meeting another member of the Gory Gang tomorrow.
Stay tuned.
If I told you what happened during The Great Van Cortland Scandal of 1997, Gus Van Cortland would most certainly kill me. All I can say is that it involves a gardener and a ho, and not the kind you’d find lying about a shed.
“So I’ve got a surprise for you,” Gus says with a tug of his beard and a wink like he’s some hipster Saint Nick.
“Oh no,” I moan, throwing back the last of my Bay Breeze.
“What? I thought you loved surprises.”
“I do, indeed,” I say, waving over Sebastian, who was just recently voted Manhattan’s Cattiest Bartender. “I just don’t like your surprises, Gus.”
“What do you mean?”
“Gus, you surprised me one time by dragging me to a Hootie and the Blowfish concert.”
“Soooo? Everyone likes Hootie…”
“Not this blowfish,” I say, pointing to myself and then wave at Sebastian again as he sashays past us. “So my surprise this fine evening?," I ask, bracing for the worst.
“A woman is coming to meet me...and it’s someone I’ve been dating.”
“What? Noooo!” I say, shocked as Sebastian shows up just in time as I desperately need another drink now.
“What can I do you for?” he asks, batting his eyes which are donning such an exorbitant amount of mascara and glitter I’m surprised he can even keep them open.
“A shot of Jager, Sebastian, and make it quick. Gus has got a girlfriend,” I say, having to tell someone, anyone, even if it’s Miss Kitty 2018.
“Homo-say-what?" he says, grasping his imaginary pearls. “Ohhh girl, we all gonna need some shots after that,” he says, pouring us a round.
“Wait," I say, turning to Gus. "You invited her to meet you in a gay bar?!”
“Well, I wanted her to meet you, and I told her you were gay, so we’re here.”
“Yes as in we’re here, we’re BOTH queer..."
“Get used to it,” Sebastian and I say in unison.
“I’m bisexual,” Gus protests as he grabs his shot, slams it, and nods toward the door.
I quickly spin my barstool around to find my best gal pal, Brooke, and a mysterious blonde headed right for us.