Today, we dive deeper with Brook into The Gory Guide to Dating.
I turn my back on Gus and his guest of honor as I look to Brook who’s practically hoisted herself up on top of the bar. “So you you knew about Gus, and you didn’t tell me?”
“Oh, come on. You know, you can’t be trusted with secrets,” she says over her shoulder.
“That’s not true. I can keep a se-”
“How about when you told Gus I was fired from my job? And what about the time I ate an entire pizza by myself, and you told Paige? And what about when you-”
“Oooookay, I get the point. Besides, that was a while ago; you’re not still mad are you?”
“Of course not, you’re my Goo,” she says, using the name she made up for me. I can’t say I’m entirely thrilled with the icky-sounding nickname, even if the combination of “gay” and “boo” is meant to be endearing. I reach over and rub her arm, “And you’re my fag-”
“Don’t even,” she says, quickly putting her hand up over my mouth. Brook hates the word “fag hag,” so I’m sure to throw it out there now and then just for fun. It’s not that she’s opposed to the meaning as much as it is the word “hag” since as Brook has explained to me numerous times, "it has the most negative connotations: ugly and even worse, old." With Brook turning 35 this year (and still desperately single), anything remotely having to do with age is off limits.
It’s funny since Brooke wasn’t always against the word. In fact, for a while, she was its champion. After meeting in the arctic wasteland of U-Fred better known as the University of Fredonia, we bonded during our college production of Equus. By the end of the run, she had dubbed herself, The World’s Best Fag Hag. It wasn't long after we could regularly be spotted strutting across campus, the cafeteria, and just about anywhere else together. We were young and hip and fun; we were Will & Grace way before Will was snapping one-liners & Grace was soaking her head in red hair dye.
I turn to Gus and his newbie girlfriend who he’s clutching so tightly it’s as though he’s afraid if he lets go he’ll be gay again. Still, he breaks free for a moment to introduce us. “Josh, this is Kitty.”
Oh my God! Is he for real? Kitty? HER NAME IS KITTY?
"Hey, Kitty, nice to meet you. I'm Josh.”
(to be continued….)